Fifteen Beats
by boutondor
Summary: "Agent Lisbon, I understand that you have asked for a transfer out of your unit." - *Extremely belated* birthday fic for Tromana.


**For Tromana. Belated birthday gift. So sorry. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

**Fifteen ****Beats by Cat**

_**- Ten **__**-**_

People gossiped. They couldn't help it; it was human nature.

"Can I please get transferred to the MPU? You're one lucky bastard, Valenski." Lisbon heard a man ask others when she was about to enter the kitchen. Knowing that the question probably had something to do with her, she stopped to listen a bit more.

"You don't want to, believe me. She's really hot, but she's a hard-ass," Valenski told the man.

"I guess you'd have to be if you had cases like Red John," the first man commented. "I don't understand why she's not shooting for the stars in Sacramento after closing a case like Red John instead of heading a low-profile unit like the MPU here. Why the career step back?"

"She's sleeping with that psychic consultant," Valenski unceremoniously explained, not realizing he had just given himself two weeks of desk duty. She had expected people, including her team, to gossip about her, but it didn't mean that she would have to like it.

"Ugh," a woman spoke for the first time. Lisbon didn't think the voice sounded like Blackburn's or Tucker's, the women on her team. "I hate cops like her. Here we are trying to have you men take us seriously and cops like her undermine everything by sleeping around in their own team."

"Still a great cop. She caught Red John and has the highest closed case rate in the CBI," Valenski defended her and Lisbon mentally cut down his desk duty to one week.

"That makes it even worse," the woman argued. "She's a good cop, had a great career in front of her and she ruins it all for a nice smile? I've met Patrick Jane and he is very attractive and charming, but I wouldn't ruin my career over him."

"Maybe she loves him," the first man suggested.

"If she does, she's an even bigger idiot than I thought," the woman argued. "I went to the Academy with Van Pelt – she's in the SCU in Sacramento – and she told me that Patrick Jane was as in love with his dead wife today as he probably was when he married her. Teresa Lisbon is ruining her career and reputation for a dead-end affair."

Having heard enough, Lisbon walked into the kitchen casually, making sure to take note of the people who had been gossiping about her. She grabbed a mug and poured herself a cup of coffee. Then she turned around, all smiles, and informed Valenski that he had several hours of research that he needed to get on with. The man looked at her, terrified. She'd show them that she hadn't ruined her career and that the MPU was not a step back for her.

She was Agent Teresa Lisbon, after all.

. . .

_**- Eight **__**-**_

When Lisbon walked into her office, Hightower asked the agent to sit down without looking up, her attention focused on her paperwork. Only when Lisbon had sat down did Hightower put down her pen and looked at the woman across the desk.

"Agent Lisbon, I understand that you have asked for a transfer out of your unit."

Lisbon nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"Unforeseen circumstances are preventing me from working with Jane," Lisbon explained with a professional tone. Nothing in her demeanor betrayed how she was feeling at that moment.

"May I ask what those circumstances are?"

"With all due respect, ma'am, I don't feel comfortable sharing them," Lisbon replied curtly.

Hightower sighed, visibly annoyed by Lisbon's lack of explanation. "I'm sorry, Agent Lisbon, but I cannot approve a transfer without more information. I can't have my people transfer in and out of teams at a whim."

"Jane and I are involved in a romantic relationship, therefore we can no longer work within the same unit. Considering that you feel he's a great asset to the CBI, I understand that you would favor his stay within this office."

Hightower let out another long sigh and looked at Lisbon, clearly unimpressed. "I can't say I'm surprised. I saw what was happening between the two of you when I first arrived. I have to admit that I was hoping that stirring Patrick's attention toward Kristina Frye as well as the fiasco that was the affair between Van Pelt and Rigsby might deter the two of you from pursuing a romantic relationship."

Lisbon didn't make a movement that could betray her feelings. Instead, she sat straight in her chair, registering what Hightower was saying to her, but not responding in any way.

When she realized that Lisbon wouldn't comment, Hightower continued, "I guess emotions were running high during the events surrounding Red John's death." She picked a piece of paper up from her desk and scanned her eyes over it. "I see that you are interested in heading the Missing Persons Unit in San Francisco. You would no doubt be a great asset to the team. It also might not be a bad idea for you to work on something that has a positive outcome once in a while."

Lisbon nodded, but didn't say anything.

"I'll approve the request. I'm quite sad that your _working_ partnership with Jane has come to an end. I doubt I will find someone who handles Jane better than you do."

At that comment, Lisbon showed the first and only emotion she had since she walked into the room: surprise. It was gone as quickly as it appeared, but Hightower saw it. She sometimes forgot how strong an effect she had had on the agent when she first arrived; the woman still had a hard time believing any positive comment Hightower gave her. Then again, she suspected Lisbon had difficulties accepting compliments in general. Not wanting to make the agent more uncomfortable than she was, Hightower decided to put the conversation to an end:

"You can begin with the MPU as soon as you're cleared for active duty," She told Lisbon as she signed the transfer request. "When exactly are you going to be signed off?" Hightower asked, looking up at her.

"If I don't do anything too crazy in the next couple of days, I should be signed off at the end of the week and on active duty on Monday."

Hightower smiled. "Fantastic. The CBI can't lose agents like you. I'm sure you'll do well in San Francisco."

Lisbon got up. "Thank you, ma'am. Goodbye," she said before leaving the office.

. . .

_**- **__**One -**_

They knew where he was. They actually knew and they were sure. Without uttering one word, Jane and Lisbon looked at each other, nodded and sprinted out of the room, leaving Mr. McKellan perplexed. Within 30 seconds, they were out on the road, Lisbon at the wheel. The silence was heavy. Lisbon had the urge to beg Jane to not act too irrationally but she already knew that Jane's rational self was out the window. There was little she could do or say at this point, except pray that the consequences of Jane's impulsive actions would not be too big or irreversible.

So as she drove, the words "Dear Lord" were silently spoken as she began to pray.

. . .

_**- Eleven **__**-**_

When they closed their first case, Blackburn suggested that they ordered pizza. Lisbon suggested they went out for a drink instead, subtly mentioning calories and fat, swaying the female members of her team her way. Pizza without Rigsby and Van Pelt's bickering just wasn't the same.

She also had to adjust to the fact that she wouldn't be able to close as many cases with the MPU as she had been with the SCU and it had nothing to do with the lack of Patrick Jane. It was just more difficult to close a Missing Person case as most of them just didn't want to be found.

She had started to like her new team. Valenski had proven to be an asset when he took on the desk duty without a word. He was clearly happier in the field, but he was a dedicated agent and was prepared to do whatever needed to be done to help cases move along. Blackburn was a bit quick-tempered and had needed to be reprimanded a couple of times. Once she realized that Lisbon wouldn't be afraid to transfer her to guard duty, she calmed down and channeled her pent up energy to more useful actions. Miller was fine. He was your run-of-the-mill agent. He wasn't stellar but did as told. He could also run really fast which had been useful once or twice. Tucker was more the quiet and efficient one. She slightly reminded Lisbon of Cho, but not completely. No one could ever be like Cho.

She missed Cho.

And Van Pelt. And Rigsby.

She also missed Jane. Not the one she had left behind but the Jane she thought he was before they closed the Red John case.

It was stupid. She was missing someone who never truly existed.

. . .

_**- Nine **__**-**_

"Apparently, we're involved in a romantic relationship?" Jane asked as a greeting as he walked into her house uninvited. He looked around him. There were boxes everywhere. It looked like she was almost finished packing. "Should you be doing this considering your condition?" he asked insensitively.

Lisbon shot him a glare as she continued packing. "I'm cleared for active duty for Monday when I start working with the MPU in San Francisco."

"So you're really leaving? You're abandoning your team. I thought you cared more about them than that." He was hitting exactly where it hurt.

"They're grown adults. They'll be fine," she said as casually as she could, trying to show as little as she could about how much leaving her team affected her.

"You're going to miss Cho's wedding."

"I'm going to San Francisco, not Australia."

"Why are you going there again?"

Lisbon ignored his question, concentrating on her packing.

"Because we're involved romantically, isn't this right? Funny, I don't remember seeing you naked recently."

"You've never seen me naked," she deadpanned then cursed herself for falling into his trap. He was trying to engage her into conversation. Conversation was always dangerous territories with Patrick Jane.

"Actually, I have. Don't you remember the Santos case?"

An image of Jane walking into her motel room just when she had just gotten out of the shower (he hadn't known that she had been subjected to a mud shower an hour earlier) sprung in her mind's eye. He had looked her up and down unashamed. She remembered how pleased and even aroused he had looked when he saw her naked. Since then, she had seen that same look on his face once in a while. She shook the image out of her head. Those were different times when she actually believed…

"You're lucky I didn't rat you out to Hightower about our supposed relationship," Jane interrupted her thoughts.

Still not looking at him, she pointedly replied: "You're lucky _I_ didn't rat _you_ out."

Jane's eyes shifted away from Lisbon with discomfort. "Right. Well, I better let you get on with your packing."

Lisbon finally looked at him. She was triumphant. "Right. You better go," she said smugly.

Jane nodded, suddenly extremely awkward and uncomfortable and left without saying another word.

One point for Lisbon; a gazillion for Jane.

. . .

_**- Three -**_

It hurt.

It hurt a lot.

Lisbon kept hoping she would pass out from the pain.

Or die.

. . .

_**- **__**Six -**_

"I loved you," Lisbon told him quietly.

Jane closed his eyes. She could see the pain on his face. For the first time, she was indifferent to his pain. She watched him process what she had just said. She knew he had known. Toward the end, she had found it difficult to hide it. And Jane was someone who was really good at discovering secrets. She doubted the pain was any kind of realization of the depths of her feelings for him, but rather the knowledge that those feelings were gone. Because they were. Three days earlier she had realized that the man she thought she loved had never existed at all.

She watched with a heart of stone as tears fell from Jane's closed eyes. He had broken her and she didn't think she could ever be put back together.

. . .

_**- Thirteen **__**-**_

After six months in San Francisco and the MPU having the highest closing rate in history (mostly thanks to Lisbon's 16 hour day shifts), rumors began about Lisbon being on her way to head the San Francisco office. She wasn't sure where the rumors came from, but she tried not to pay attention to them.

Apparently, the rumors had even reached the Sacramento office as more than one person alluded to them when she attended Cho's wedding. Fortunately, Cho had placed her at her former team's table and none of them mentioned it. Cho had attempted to place Jane's seat at the table as far away from hers as possible. It didn't stop him from constantly looking at her throughout the meal.

When he asked her to dance, she declined. Instead, she got up and mingled with old colleagues and met some of Cho and Elise's friends. She wasn't particularly in the mood for dancing.

But when Minelli asked her to dance, she found herself unable to resist. She had missed her old boss too much and couldn't say no to such a heartfelt request. The dance had been nice. He told her he was hoping she would head the San Francisco office. He told her how proud he was of her. Then he told her about his partner and their little house by the beach. He also adopted a golden Labrador and her mind immediately went to Dodger, her dog who had died seven years earlier.

The pleasantness of the dance was unfortunately cut short. When she had been distracted by thoughts of her beloved deceased dog, Jane had taken the opportunity to cut in and before she knew it, she was in Jane's arms. She had a strong urge to leave him standing alone on the dance floor but she didn't want to cause a scene so she braced herself for the remaining minute or so of the song.

"I'm glad you came," he said to her smiling. To someone who didn't know him, his smile was beautiful, but to someone like Lisbon, she knew there was great sadness behind the smile.

Six months of separation had softened her up. She wasn't as heartbroken or angry as she had been before. His sadness affected her this time and she found herself compelled to wrap her arms around him, comfort him and tell him everything would be okay.

But that would be a lie.

Not everything would be okay. Deep down she knew she would never forgive him, never trust him again.

. . .

_**- **__**Two -**_

She should have seen it coming, but for some reason, she didn't. The pain was nothing like she had experienced before. She felt like she was slit open. It doubled when he took the knife out. She fell on her knees and watched as Red John ran away.

A few seconds later, she felt tender hands on her back. Jane. He kneeled down in front of her to examine her wound, then he looked at her. His face was pure pain, which gradually turned into resolution. He tenderly ran a hand through her hair and told her he would be right back. She watched as Jane ran after Red John, his form getting smaller and smaller in the distance, as he abandoned her to her death in the middle of nowhere.

She wasn't sure what hurt more: the pain from the wound or Jane's betrayal.

. . .

_**- **__**Seven -**_

The night before she was going to be discharged, Jane was sitting by her bed. He had spent the majority of her stay in the hospital by her side. She had found it irritating. No amount of threats or cajoles had dissuaded him to leave her alone. He was desperately trying to fix things, fix them. He didn't understand that they were unfixable.

That night he was desperate. She knew he felt he was completely losing her, but he was wrong. He wasn't losing her; he already had.

Still, he was desperate so he confessed something that otherwise he would have never confessed. He decided to betray (in his mind) his wife's memory in order to salvage what he had with Lisbon.

He held her hand and said, "I know you don't love me anymore, but I still love you. I'll always love you."

Lisbon burst out laughing. Jane was taken aback and Lisbon herself was actually surprised by her own reaction. Nevertheless, she laughed. Jane's screwed up version of love wasn't going to sway her in any way. You didn't leave the person you loved out on their own to die.

You just didn't.

. . .

_**- **__**Four -**_

She felt a pressure on her wound. Someone's hands. She painfully opened her eyes and saw RIgsby hovering over her, distress written all over his face.

"Don't worry, boss, I've got you," Rigsby told her soothingly while applying even more pressure on her wound. He looked around him frantically. He seemed torn about something, unsure what he should do.

Then she saw a shadow coming their way: Jane. His face was frozen; she couldn't tell what he was feeling or thinking. As soon as he reached them, he scooted his arms beneath her. "Keep pressure on the wound," Jane told Rigsby. "There's a hospital about a mile from here."

She remembered feeling the roughness from the fabric of Jane's vest. She remembered smelling his very distinctive scent. Jane didn't wear cologne and used cheap soap, but there was definitely a scent emanating from him that was uniquely him.

That's when she passed out.

. . .

_**- Fourteen **__**-**_

"I never thanked you," Lisbon told Rigsby when the two of them were alone for the first time at the wedding. "Without you, I would have died."

Rigsby shrugged modestly. "Jane arrived a minute after me," he reminded her.

No one knew that Jane had been there when Red John had fallen off that cliff. No one knew that Jane had seen Lisbon stabbed and had chosen Red John over her. No one knew what had really happened. She didn't even know if Red John had fallen off that cliff with Jane's help or not. She didn't want to know.

"It might have been too late then," Lisbon simply said.

Rigsby smiled at her, but she could tell he didn't think so. As far as he was concerned Jane was as much a hero as he was.

. . .

_**- Twelve **__**-**_

On a closed case drinks evening, her team asked her to recount the events of Red John's demise. She indulged them, sparing no detail about how she and Jane had figured out where Red John had been hiding. She was faithful to the events up to the time she and Jane arrived in the woods. Only then did the lies begin. It wasn't the first time she had told these lies. It had also been in her report. After saying them so many times, she knew the lies by heart now. They were flowing out of her mouth with ease. Once she had finished, her team had remained silent for a minute, overwhelmed by the simple ending of such a horrific and personal case. Blackburn was the first one to break the silence and what she said took Lisbon completely by surprise.

"No wonder you're dating Patrick Jane; he saved your life. I don't care what anyone says, you're a good cop and I think it's right that you're prioritizing your personal life. Cases like Red John's only prove how life is precious and you should embrace whatever little happiness it gives you."

Lisbon frowned more at Blackburn's first statement than her philosophical monologue. "Jane didn't save my life, RIgsby did," she corrected her.

"I've heard about Jane's obsession with Red John. He chose to save you instead of cutting the bastard open," Blackburn continued.

Lisbon shook her head. "He didn't save me," she insisted. "Rigsby did. He applied pressure on the wound to slow down the bleeding. Jane arrived only about a minute after. I could have been dead by then."

"Yeah, but if Jane hadn't arrived when he did, you still could have bled to death," Valenski chimed in. "You needed one person to apply the pressure on the wound and one person to take you to your car. One guy couldn't have done both."

Lisbon sat back, flabbergasted. It had never occurred to her that if Jane hadn't come back when he did, she probably would have died. She would have been stuck in the woods with Rigsby. The paramedics wouldn't have arrived in time and she would have bled to death.

She mentally shook her head.

It didn't erase the fact that he had left her there in the first place though.

. . .

_**- **__**Five -**_

When she woke up at the hospital, Jane was at her side. He was hurting, she could tell. She had immediately felt a wave of love toward the man by her bed. For once, she felt her love for him being reciprocated and couldn't imagine being happier.

Then the memories came back.

The man beside her was no longer the man she had secretly fallen in love with; he was someone ugly, someone selfish who put revenge and hatred over someone's life, over her life.

Her smile faded and his did as well when he realized she was remembering everything. Then she saw the pain when he realized that she wasn't going to forgive him.

She would _never_ forgive him.

. . .

_**- Fifteen **__**-**_

It took less than five minutes for Jane to find her when she had wandered away from the party. She had been a bit stupid. Going off on her own was like flashing a gigantic light to Jane and saying 'I'm over here; come and find me'.

"Enjoying the party?"

"I was," she said pointedly.

"Listen, Lisbon," he started but she cut him off.

"Jane, I'm tired. I don't feel like talking to you. It's draining."

Jane nodded and looked as he was about to leave, but then changed his mind. "I want to talk about it."

"Jane…" Lisbon trailed off. There was a begging note to her voice, but she didn't care. She was tired of him, of this whole thing. She wanted to turn the page and move on.

"Can we please talk about it, Lisbon, just this once, and I swear I will leave you alone."

She closed her eyes and resigned herself to have the conversation she never wanted to have. If it meant being rid of him, moving on, it was worth it. She opened her eyes again and looked straight at him. "Fine. Why did you leave me to die?"

Jane's eyes shifted to the party a hundred feet away from them. "I don't know."

Lisbon sighed and made a move to walk away. Jane grabbed her arm to stop her. "Wait, I'm not finished." She looked at him expectantly as he tried to explain. "I wasn't thinking straight. I saw the wound and I realized that you were hurt but in my adrenaline-fueled mind, I convinced myself that you were Teresa Lisbon and it took way more than a stabbing to kill you off. For some reason, I was convinced that your life wasn't in danger."

"You still left me," she told him unperturbed. He wasn't convincing her that he wasn't a selfish bastard.

"Yes, I did, and believe me, I will never forgive myself for it."

The words rang something deep within Lisbon. The image of Jane's guilt about his wife and child's deaths came to mind. She had noticed that it had faded over time, even before Red John's death. The idea that she was the cause for more guilt made her uneasy. He had had enough guilt for several lifetimes. Still, it didn't excuse him for what he had done to her and what had happened – even though she still didn't know all the facts.

"Did you push Red John off the cliff?" she asked bluntly.

Jane shook his head. "I don't know what happened to him. When I left him, he was still alive."

Lisbon's eyes widened and found it difficult to breathe. She had always assumed that Jane had gone back to her once Red John had died. It had never in a million years occurred to her that Jane had left Red John alive. "He was still alive?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes, at some point my brain started functioning again and I realized what I had done. As soon as the idea that you could die finally entered my brain, I went back to you."

Lisbon was silent for a moment. This changed everything, absolutely everything. He had chosen her life over revenge. It just took him some time to get there.

It was difficult for her to completely forgive him, but Jane noticed the change in her attitude immediately. A smile began forming on his lips. She frowned at him, not wanting to let him off the hook so easily. He seemed utterly oblivious to her admonishment as his smile got bigger by the second. Finally, he grabbed both sides of her head and leaned down for a kiss. It had been a while since she had kissed anyone so she let him kiss her.

She finally pushed him away and said, "This is a little fast. I haven't completely forgiven you yet."

Jane nodded seriously. "I can wait."

"I'm not coming back to Sacramento," she warned him. She had made a life for herself in San Francisco. Besides, she doubted she or Jane would agree to being affected to a team other than the SCU and the CBI would have a problem with their potential relationship.

Jane nodded again. It was nice to see that he was willing to make concessions for her. His selfish streak might be fading away. "Can I come see you during the weekend?"

Lisbon thought about it for a while. The thought of having Jane around made her future weekends seem a lot less dull than they had been recently. "Yes, but only as a friend for now," she agreed.

Jane nodded again and smiled at her. Her face remained serious, but she was inwardly smiling. With time, they would be okay again.

. . .

The End.

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**Please consider bidding for a fic from me for charity to Help Japan here: community[dot]livejournal****[dot]**com/help_japan/2978**[dot]**html?thread=219042#t219042  



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